First Anniversary – Again!

Today is Kandy’s and my first wedding anniversary of being legally married in the state of California.  When we first decided to commit our lives together, it was in September of 1993.  We had been friends for many years, albeit on two different sides of the continent.  (We had actually met in 1975, in Keflavik, Iceland – that’s fodder for another post!)  Well, opportunity and relationships being what they were, Kandy finally moved out to California from New York a month later. We wrote words of trust and vows to one another. For us, it was magical – but private.

Then, in June 1994, we decided to have what was then called a “commitment ceremony” at St. Frances Lutheran Church in San Francisco, California. It was a beautiful ceremony attended by friends and some family, and was exactly the same as a marriage ceremony, but without a license issued by the state. We were officially “out and about.”  It was a heady year and a half, because by December of 1995, Kandy gave birth to our first daughter, Katie.

By this time, I was fighting for domestic partner benefits with my then employer. There was progress being made, but it was slogging and slow. I opted to work for a SGI in Mountain View, who welcomed us with open arms and benefits. (I loved working for SGI, until their equipment was becoming obsolete due to the ubiquitous PC and its rise to power.) Two years later, in January 1998, Kandy gave birth to our second daughter, Megan, or Megs as I like to call her.

We live a normal family life, active in the girls’ schools, active in the community, and enjoying good friends – just as any family would. Then in 2004, the mayor of the City of San Francisco decided there was nothing in the California constitution that said that same-sex couples couldn’t get married – so on and around Valentines day of that year, many couples were married at City Hall in that town – Including Us. We thought, “Well, maybe this will stick!!”

It wasn’t to be. The marriages were nullified. It seemed like it would be too much to hope for.

Then, something happened in California. I don’t recall all the political moves that “made it so,” but last year, for a while, same-sex couples could get legally married. We thought, well, maybe the state will get this right for once.  If we get married, it would be extremely unlikely that the state would subsequently take away that right. So, on September 20^th, we were up in Trinidad, California, and were wedded yet once again by a bonafide justice of the peace, and with friends in attendance, and with the Pacific Ocean as our backdrop.

So, in California, and in any state who would recognize our union, we are legally married. The Federal government doesn’t recognize our union – yet. Perhaps some day.

We got it right. It’s about time the rest of the government did!

TAWANDAH