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07 September 2008
Posted in
Down Under With Queen Kane
So greetings from Down Under,
Today I want to chat with you about an odd topic, something I like to call the "lesbian circle of attraction effect". This is when a lesbian finally comes out and cements their identity and welcomes other lesbians into her life. What does this mean in laymen's terms? Essentially, being in the closet can be a terrifying experience, almost as terrifying as being out of the closet!! But the slow realisation of who a person is at heart and the sudden awareness that this person needs to ultimately acknowledge this in front of others can be a confronting fact to live with. You tend to spend hours, days, years even, thinking about all of the possible scenarios which may occur as a result of coming out and usually, the eternal pessimist in us, presents those really ugly outcomes for us to sit with more often then not. And so, ultimately we are left with worry, anxiety and self esteem which is shot to bits. This can send many lesbians into a downward spiral and put them into a negative headspace. Often, being in the closet will entail being without any homosexual, bixsexual, transexual or othersexual support.
It is a sad fact that unless you live in a thriving cosmopolitan area where there are designated "gay" suburbs, you can often have a very hard time coming across a local group of gay and lesbian friends. For people who live in rural areas this can be even worse. To feel cut off from people who will understand your emotions and the absolute maelstrom of "coming out" emotions all lesbians must deal with, can be an extremely alienating experience. However, recently as I took steps of my own to come out of the proverbial closet, I found myself confronted with hope - hope in the form of the "lesbian circle of attraction effect".
The effect is basically when, for the first time, you are comfortable and confident in who you are and the life you are destined to live and consequently, gradually attract people who are either gay/lesbian or alternatively, people who accept and embrace you for who you are. This is not to say that there won't be hard yards, words and people to ensure, but it is clear that ultimately, whether consciously or unconsciously, you furnish your new lifestyle with people who will love, support and honour who you are, just as you are. I like that part of the coming out process, it reverses the alienation, it undoes some of the years of self-doubt and loathing and it can be the difference between being the much publicised "happy gay or happy lesbian" or living as a waste basket of shame and sadness. I want to be one of the "happy's" and slowly but surely am attracting those people who can make my dream come true. How bout you?
Until next time,
QK Down Under
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Y-m-d H:i:s | Anne
Yeah, congrats on your succesfull coming out! As I am one of those people still sitting on top of a mountain of doubts, fears, uncertainties and all that, you're painting an attractive view. I might come down the mountain sometime soon. It is kind of lonely up here.
But a negative spiral is not my thing. Even without most of them knowing the whole story, my friends and family are a source of happiness and they keep me grounded. And I am sure they'll accept me regardless, so for me it's more a matter of trouble with accepting my own identity and a life that is 'different', whatever that might mean. I just need to make myself take the plunge. Sounds so easy. Anyway, lots of respect for all of you who've already done it!
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Y-m-d H:i:s | Dahlia
Yes congratulations from here to you too.
Guess that's true, somehow the comingout process does make a selection in the people who are around, the ones who will accept you, and listen/support and so, and the ones who cannot accept you as you are and are judging or whatever..
For me the group of the first was fortunately the largest group, and must say that my life has become much easier without the 'judging' characters in my life anymore.. its relaxed!
So thumps up for you!Dahlia
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heartwarming, Queen! you go girl! sounds to me you've embarked on a journey of living life to the fullest. beats living life vicariously through the experiences of others, doesn't it?
just keep on walking that golden brick road and make us all proud some more!
to all those who are struggling with themselves: it takes courage to take the plunge but when you finally do, you'll see that there's no stopping you! enjoy life and enjoy love--good luck!
warm hugs from the other side of the world...